Pretending to be Artsy

So I can't decide if the daughter and I should watch a ballet ("Sleeping Beauty"), or a musical play ("Sound of Music").

Both of these she wants to watch. I guess she'll watch anything we take her to. We watched Don Quixote before, and she only got bored after the second intermission (in the third act). Since she's a bit used to the structure of the musical play where there are only 2 acts and 1 intermission, when the third act came on, she was all, "ang haba naman nito!". But at least it held her attention for 2 acts, and yes, she says she wants to watch another ballet soon.

Since I'll be subjecting my husband to this, ah, torture, I asked his opinion. Which should we watch? The play or the ballet? His reply: "Di ko alam. Ayoko pareho."

Ouch. That should end my dilemma right? But no. Now I don't know if I should watch, which to watch, and if I should take him along because he might kill me out of boredom. Haist.

Rant: Credit Card Rewards

Patawa naman si HSBC Rewards minsan.

Was browsing through their rewards brochures, and found the points and "fast track" options utterly ridiculous.

For example:
An ultimate feet pampering treatment at Neo Spa normally costs PHP 1050:
Source: http://neo.ph/ebrochures/Ki%20Day%20Spa%20eBrochure%202011.pdf

And how many HSBC rewards points does it take to have this PHP 1050 reward?

61,200 points.

That's like spending PHP 612,000 pesos and getting this measly PHP 1050 reward.

But that's not what really gets my goat. HSBC offers this "fast track" option, where you can get a certain item with fewer points but you need to shell out some cash.

And for the fast track option, you need 12,240 points and shell out PHP 1,224 cash:

Say what??? It's even more expensive than actually paying for the darn foot spa??

Okay, yes they do need to make money, but isn't this blatant consumer fooling or something? Is there even an agency that monitors this?

Adele Rolling in the Deep

Amazing voice.

Emo Mode

I need to take a step back.

And for some reason, today this is the song that is playing in my head.

There's always some reason
To not feel good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction...

Nursery Song 3

Since I'm going to spend an inordinate amount of time googling how to pronounce these, I might as well note these down for posterity. These are Chinese children's songs being taught in my kid's nursery class. The only problem is, we don't know much Chinese. So here goes, maybe this would help some other person in the future:

Song 3:
Chinese:
好宝宝, 有礼貌, 回家会把手儿招
老师再见, 朋友再见

Pin yin:
Hǎo bǎobǎo, yǒu lǐmào, huí jiā huì bǎshǒu er zhāo,
lǎoshī zàijiàn, péngyǒu zàijiàn

Baroque English:
Good baby, has politeness, when going home will say
Goodbye teacher, Goodbye friends

Special thanks to Google Translate. :)

Thoughts On a Saturday Eve

Two events that made me real proud today it almost scares me:

1) my kid singing along to Nirvana's "Man Who Sold the World" the first time she heard it

2) my kid reciting the "Angel of God" prayer in the children's thanksgiving mass at her preschool. and she was the only one! she raised her hand without shyness or care, kept on raising it even if she wans't noticed at first, and when she was called to answer, she said her piece without a care for shyness or what others may think. Cool in my opinion.

Why does it scare me? Because we might not be up to the task of nurturing her innate goodness, to help her be who she truly is -- a beautiful, brave, confident girl who is talented and good and kind. Come on, we messed up with ourselves somewhere along the way...my fear is that my mistakes and my fears might be a hindrance to who she can be and to who she truly is.

Then again she might be truly talented and transcend the shortcomings of her parents and caregivers on her own.

One thing I must not forget -- value my self worth. I owe it not just to myself but to my daughter as well.

I am an unromantic person, but if I sometimes find myself wishing for a prince charming, what does that tell me? Whatever. Remember to always value who you are and your self worth. Because if you don't, no one else will. In real life, there is no prince charming. At least not in my fairy tale. There are princes maybe. And princesses. But each redeems himself/herself according to their own efforts, and no one should let anyone trample them. No one life is more important than another's. I want to say something dramatic but I feel...I don't know what to feel anymore. I've been tired for too long. I feel you don't listen to what I say sometimes.

Who knows? Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World

Have I actually sold the world, forgotten my value, given up on who I am? I know if you read this, you will think I am insulting you. You always find a way to relate things to you. This is not always about you you know. Although I can't fault you. All of us always find a way to relate something to ourselves. I remember spending some birthdays and other special occasions in a hospital because you were sick. I wanted to feel special on my day, instead it was your day because you needed more attention and somewhere deep inside I resented it. It wasn't really your fault right? But...bumawi ka ba?

I must have died alone, a long long time ago

This is not a good feeling to have so near to special dates and such (unless they really don't mean anything to you at all). I've been telling you that. Suggesting ways to go beyond what I think and feel and what you think and feel. But I don't think you're listening.

I've been second-guessing myself if I am being overly dramatic. But it's my life. I also deserve to be overly dramatic if I wish to be. And frankly, I don't think I am overly dramatic. Which confuses me all the more.

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World

Yeah, suddenly I wish for Prince Charming. Or maybe a higher cause to forget that wish.

It Pays Not to Pay Attention

Took the time to actually read an EULA (End User License Agreement)...you know, the part where you usually just say "yes" to without reading when you're downloading or installing something. I'm not too sure, maybe I'm just a bit slow today...but somehow I can't understand what the hell this means:

We are responsible for loss suffered by you as a result of our breach of this contract if the loss was reasonably foreseeable by both you and us when this contract was entered into.

Yey that "they" are responsible...but I don't understand, so they are responsible if you enter into the contract knowing it will result to a loss? Huh? Why enter the contract if you know you'd lose?

We are not responsible for: (i) loss that was not reasonably foreseeable;

What the hell does "reasonably foreseeable" mean?

Of course I couldn't understand it. No one reads this anyway. So I clicked "I Accept". Duh.

Can't Decide

Can't decide.

Isis Bungalow or Golden Palm at Alona Beach in Panglao Island, Bohol?

Map based from http://jimspears.net/alona/map.htm

Both Isis and Golden Palm quoted me the same price, except that Golden Palm included airport transfers and breakfast, while Isis did not. Cheapskate Chinese would opt for Golden Palm, especially since it has good reviews. But it's not that beach front, unlike Isis which is more beach front. And I want my kiddo to play on the beach. On the sand. On the beach. But I want airport transfers as well. Because also of kiddo. The more comfortable she is, the more comfortable we all are. Haha!

Yes, sometimes I obsess about these small decisions.

Wednesday comes after Tuesday...and now it's Thursday again

Tuesday, I left the office early, managed to ride the MRT at around 5:30pm, just before the great rush hour rush. I couldn't resist though, and treated myself to a Greenwich Pizza, Lasagna and Pizza Fries meal before heading home. Yes, takaw ako. This was just before dinner. Hmmm.

Grateful for: a speedy and convenient commute, to and from the office.

Wednesday, I am thankful for:

- managing to ride another Ortigas Flyover bus from Cubao (2 days straight, rare!)

- transitions

- riding home with B.

- watching Inception

- movie foood!

Thursday, thankful for:

- being able to change my mind

- second chances

- and hopefully, waking up late later.

Monday

It's a Monday.

Thankful for:

• Zoe's first day at school after a week's absence
• Watching The Sorcerer's Apprentice
• Chances
• A Singapore Vacation and Birthday party

Midnight Snack

Donuts and coffee, c/o B.

I really like the honey glazed donut, served warm and toasty (not pictured here, nakain ko na eh, hehe). Thanks B.

Bagyo Bagyo

Typhoon “Basyang” (international codename: Conson) came barging into Metro Manila last night. A little past midnight, the power went out in our area. It was restored roughly 12 hours later. We were lucky though -- other areas still have no power up to now.

I am thankful for:

• Being able to give Zoe her anti-fever medicine around 11:30pm. She was so sweet, wala yung usual na angal nya. Siguro sobrang sleepy na sya nun. After drinking her meds, she promptly went back to sleep. Ang saya! And I thought it would be another stressful event...
• Zoe slept soundly thru the storm, despite the strong winds, and the various creaking and huffing and puffing sounds. Parang may liliparin na bubong!
• Wala na yung fever ni Zoe! After almost 5 days! Weee!!! When she woke up today, her fever was gone. Cough na lang.
• That our house is still intact. And we're all still safe.

Don't Blame This Sleeping Satellite

"I blame you for the moonlit sky
and the dream that died
with the eagles' flight

I blame you for the moonlit nights
when I wonder why
are the seas still dry?

Don't blame this sleeping satellite..."

- Tasmin Archer, Sleeping Satellite

Thankful Notes:

• Friday -- Thankful for my Mom, her birthday, and her birthday treat. But most especially, thankful for my mom.

• The weekend -- Saturday and Sunday were a blur. The daughter was sick, and had on-off fever since Friday afternoon. Up to now, she's still sick.
  
  "Mommy, may sakit ako," she whispers so sadly. Her voice is also gone. She has had cough and fevers, and sometimes a runny nose. We had a check-up with the doctor today, and she just gave meds for fever, allergies and cough. Apparently, the cause is suspected to be viral. But her fever does have to go down by Wednesday, or else a blood count will need to be done. She probably caught the virus in school, since nobody in the house is sick. Yet. B asked his mom to have "tawas" done though, and there were a lot of "shapes". Na-matanda daw. Ewan. Basta, sana gumaling na sya.
  
  The thankful note -- she started to eat a regular meal again. Matamlay pa rin, pero at least by Sunday she ate lunch and dinner.

• Monday -- Spent the whole day with the daughter. By dinner time, sabi ni daughter: "Nasaan na si daddy?" She wouldn't eat dinner or drink her medicine until daddy's home. Naku po. She also didn't want to drink her fever medicine, which is really important because she has had the fever for almost 3 days already.
  
  "Sobrang tamis!" she complains. Wow, nag complain na matamis! But practically all kiddie medicines are sweet!
  
  "Susuka ako dyan eh," she cries. That won't happen, we (the yaya and I) tell her. Eventually she relents and drinks the pink concoction. And two seconds later...she pukes. O.M.G.
  
  Thankful for: Quality time with Zoe. The yaya for cleaning up the puke. Hehe. Daddy B. for doing nightwatch...and our cool comfy bed.

Cliches and other musings

Warning: long post delving into motherhood and domestic matters. Read at your own risk. Don't complain if bored.

"It's 3 AM I must be lonely..."
- Matchbox 20

It's actually 2 AM here. I am hungry, thirsty and feeling so flabby. Everything's yin and yang, this and that, push and pull, surprises and blessings. They say to whom much is given, much is expected. I am in a funk, and I know I can get out of it, but only if I choose to. Right now all I'm feeling is -- tired, hungry, thirsty and flabby.

Yes, I need those endorphins, and I need them quick. Unfortunately...yes, I feel lazy, hungry, thirsty and flabby. I should change. Late nights are not healthy, especially if I have to wake up regularly before 7AM so that the kid can get ready for school on time. 3 AM bed times do not work with 7 AM wake-up times, not if this has to go on for 5-days a week.

My guilty confession is -- I can't sleep when something's troubling me. Or when I can't properly identify what's troubling me. I used to watch brainless TV shows at home -- the mindless noise probably calms my brain. But I can't even do that now. No TV. The maid sleeps in our sala, and that's where the TV is. Ha, I'm a prisoner of my own device. Well, actually she has a room, but she complains it's too hot there, and most of our electric fans are really busted.

Anyway, sometimes I do miss the freedom I had in my childhood home. Wow, weird gripe huh? I should have more freedom now right? I'm the Queen Bee, the queen of the domain, the queen of the castle. Yes. And the castle is expensive. And high maintenance.

I mention about mixed surprises. Last Saturday, was a milestone. Zoe decided to sleep the night in her own room. "Love ko sya sobra," she said about her room. You see, the kid co-sleeps with us, and suddenly, she has now fully accepted that the room opposite ours was her own room. Which is great right? This is what we were aiming for. This is why she had a hand in choosing her room color (light blue, yes she's so not kikay), why we bought the furniture (bed and cabinets), and why we painted her room like Twitter (light blue with white clouds). We wanted it to be her place, her "crib" -- a place to dream, a place to be herself. She was already playing in her room, and taking afternoon naps there. We were surprised though that she wanted to sleep the night there. So soon.

We were not ready.

Really. We weren't. This was the end-goal we wanted, but we were simply not ready yet. Or maybe it's just me. Look at us now. 5 days later, the big daddy is sleeping with Zoe in one single-size bed. They have the electric fan (yes, we have an electric fan shortage), and I'm sleeping in our bedroom, alone with no electric fan. It's nice that it's breezy sometimes here, but it gets hot and sweaty when there's no breeze. Do the parents look ready? Is this a sustainable scenario?

Sigh.

Alone, in a big bed. I guess, this is a reward of sorts for all of those nights Zoe keeps kicking me in the face while we're sleeping, and "getting" my bed space whenever I have late night meetings. Haha. Those nights, I was imagining buying another bed all for myself. Mixed surprises right? Now I have the whole bed to myself. Wee.

So Zoe sleeps in her own room now, in her own bed, but she expects either one of us to be right there beside her and hug her while she's sleeping. Hmmm.

This is B's fault (he knows this). Zoe as a baby was sleeping so happily and peacefully on her own in her own crib, before all this happened. She's an amazing baby -- after the first few months, she slept the whole night uninterrupted. She didn't complain about full diapers, so no need to change diapers in the middle of the night. Amazing. Until one day...B felt guilty with the long hours he spent at the office. He came home late, and always encountered Zoe already asleep. He missed being with his baby, so he took a sleeping Zoe from the crib, and put her in our bed. This happened frequently, such that, Zoe didn't want to sleep in the crib anymore. She wanted to sleep with us. We were now, officially, co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping isn't all that bad though. It sure made travelling around easier. She could sleep anywhere, as long as it was between the two of us. No more need to lug around a portable crib, book an extra bed, or bring a comfort toy or something. We could just pack our clothes and go.

The fact that she didn't want to sleep in her crib also helped us in removing Zoe's thumbsucking habit. We told her only babies suck their thumbs, and babies slept in cribs, so if she wanted to suck her thumb, she can, but since she's a baby that way, she can sleep in her crib and not on our bed. It worked. Thumb sucking removed in a few days! Gone was my irrational fear that I'd see a 10-year old Zoe still sucking her thumb while riding the jeepney. I guess she saw our bed as the "transition" from baby-hood to bata-hood.

And now, her own bed makes her a bigger bata.

As a parent, I am thankful. And hopeful that all this reasonable-ness persists. As a person with my own life, I'm thinking, I need to get a life! I need to exercise, get endorphins, which I haven't done in such a long long time.

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.
Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."
-Elle Woods in Legally Blonde

I wouldn't want to shoot anybody right? Least of all myself. Now only if I could discipline myself to make time for it...

Always Zoku - San Chome Me No Yuhi

ALWAYS 続・三丁目の夕日

Watched "Always -- Sunset on Third Street 2", with good friends from college. The movie is part of Eiga Sai 2010, Japanese films screened at Shangrila Mall for free. It was great, and I liked it. Great CGI effects too -- I mean, to show old 1950's Tokyo and integrate it seamlessly into a fun and also dramatic storyline -- that takes talent and passion. And we always appreciate that. So thank you. :)

The filmfest runs until July 11, 2010. You can check out Click the City's site for details on the schedules and films.

Thankful for: good stories, good friends and good meals.

The Thankful Wave

"Think about what's right, what's good, what's valuable & fulfilling. The more you focus on the good things, the more abundant they become."

- Ralph Marston

A lot of people are on a "thankful" spree nowadays. And for that, we are thankful. Life is indeed happier when we are thankful for something.

Waiting, after school

"Waiting for Wednesday..."

My imaginary friend asks me, why wait for Zoe after her preschool class? You could always delegate this, ask the yaya to go to her preschool and do the waiting and the fetching, just like the other mommies out there.

I wait. Because I still could. I still have the flexible hours to back this up. And I wait. Because I like the way she smiles when she comes out of the class room. I like the way her face quietly lights up, knowing that mommy was out there with her, just as she needed her. I like her quiet calmness at school, amidst the chaos of all those crying children longing for something they can't express. At this moment, she has this quiet calmness, that quiet confidence that she will get what she wants, that confident patience that she doesn't need to cry to express herself. I am amazed. And proud.

I hope...that she will retain this sense of calmness, this sense of awe, this sense of quiet excitement regarding schooling. Some say schooling can destroy creativity. I am hoping nothing can destroy her sense of self.

The Comfy Cab and the Power Lightning

It was a cloudy afternoon when I rode the taxi cab from McKinley Hills to Ortigas. First of all, I was lucky, I got to ride a cab at once. Secondly, the cab was really nice, not dilapidated, and looked really new. Thirdly, the taxi driver took a shortcut, so we got to circumvent C5 and Edsa traffic. It started to rain really hard when we were near Sheridan, normally just around 5 minutes from my actual destination. From the cab, I could see the lightning bolts touch the different skyrises around the area. Lightning bolts are scary when you're in the receiving end of it (and here I remember the story of the girl who was struck by lightning while hiking), but from my vantage point inside my cushy, comfy taxi cab, it was awesome. God displaying His artistry and magic, His Power and His Might.

Amazing that a thing of beauty has more than enough power to kill you off.

Because of the rains and resulting traffic, I was 15 minutes late for my scheduled appointment. Everything happens for a reason though, and the lightning show reminded me that there is a more powerful force than ourselves at work here. It's all good.

Redux Baguio

Nippy weather, a warm fireplace, and SMART GPRS connectivity FTW!

Thank you for a safe trip.

Bon Appetit!

Today, it is food.

A good lunch with DH at the McKinley Hill Piazza.

And a great buffet dinner at Makati Shangrila's Circles Buffet, for free!

Thank you for food.

And thank you, to the persons who treat us to good food, and for the opportunities that enable us to have this little luxury.

Bon Appetit!