Stressed and Confused

I can't stop eating now.

Since Friday, I've been munching and munching and eating and eating and I'm never full. Is this how I cope with stress?

Time passes so quickly, it's very frustrating. I remember a "fun" psych quiz question a while back. Based on how quickly you think time passes (is it slow? too fast? just right?), it indicates how happy or unhappy you are with your life. I don't remember what the answers mean now, but I do know that right now, it seems time passes too quickly. It seems only yesterday when I was watching Sunday night TV and panicking on missed work deadlines. Now, it's another Sunday, and the same tasks still have not been done.

It is sickening. I need a change.

the last song

Don't we all do it? Sing in our minds, that is. It's that irritating LSS -- that last song syndrome that just won't go away. The song stays with you ALL day; you sing it in your mind while you're walking, while you're working, while you're talking even. Some last songs are better than others. They stay with you, and they make your day a bit better.

Here are some of this week's more sensible soundtracks of my mind. Sing out loud with me:

1. "Run", Kitchie Nadal
   
   Kitchie's breathless vocals here seem a bit different from her performance for former band mojofly. But with her husky and sultry delivery, this song is bound to be a promising break-through single for Kitchie's solo career. Well, at least, it got my attention. You know how I love sultry female voices.
   

   Run fast if you can
   I'm gonna get you anyway, there's nowhere to hide, baby
   Breathe in, breathe out
   It's almost over now

2. "Taning", Imago
   
   Aya's semi-yodeling makes me want to yodel along. Initially hard-to-notice, the song takes some getting used to. After listening to it several times, the song grows on you.
   
   

   "Tama ba na aminin na nating
   May taning
   Ang pag-ibig natin"



3. "Masaya", Bamboo
   
   What can I say? This is Bamboo. That formerly-bald frontman for Rivermaya. After several years (decades?), he's back. With a new band. Named...Bamboo.
   

   Ako'y malungkot na naman
   Amoy chico na ako
   Ilang tagay na, hindi pa rin tulog
   Tanong ko lang sa langit
   Kung bakit pumangit
   Ang dating masaya
   Ngayo'y panay problema
   Bumabalot sa mundo
   Bakit ganito...
   Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga
   'Pag bago pa ang pag-ibig
   Ganyan talaga, masaya

   
   


4. "Hey Julie", Fountains of Wayne
   
   Funny. Catchy. Makes you want to smile. And maybe snap your fingers and nod your head. Or maybe just be thankful for someone to love.
   

   Hey Julie,
   Look what they're doing to me
   Trying to trip me up
   Trying to wear me down
   Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
   And I'd never make it through without you around

   
   

In Memoriam

In Memory of My Trusty Light-weight Umbrella
September 20, 2003 - August 17, 2004 (MIA)

For every ending, there is a beginning. A spark that got the whole ball rolling.

Memories

I loved this umbrella. For one thing, it had the number one feature I wanted that all my other umbrellas before didn't have. It was lightweight. If I put it in my bag, it's like I wasn't carrying anything else. My shoulders didn't have to ache from carrying my shoulder bag too long, and nobody kept bugging me, "ano bang nilalagay mo dyan sa bag mo, ba't ang bigat?"


Beginnings

How I came to buy the umbrella is another story in itself. B. and I were touring Sentosa Island, Singapore then, and a sudden heavy downpour was making it impossible for us to get around the island. We only had one day, and of course, we wanted to see everything there was to see. We rushed into the nearest souvenir shop, and people were snapping up the umbrellas and raincoats! The raincoats were the cheapest. Made of entirely clear plastic, it was just an ordinary thin plastic made into a raincoat and meant to be used just once. The other options were a big wooden-handled umbrella (quite heavy), and this foldable (aluminum?) umbrella. The foldable umbrella was unfortunately the most expensive one. But at the same time, it was exactly what I wanted in an umbrella! I was meaning to buy one even before that trip, but I just never found an umbrella this lightweight in the malls. I really liked the umbrella, but I didn't like the "tourist" price. In the end, since (a) we were tourists anyway and (b) we really needed something since it was raining hard and (c) the umbrella was the most cost-efficient option, we bought the foldable umbrella.

Back in Manila, I still kept the search for the lightweight foldable umbrella open. A friend had one that was really lightweight, but she bought it in some high-end store, and really, unless I was a tourist and stuck in the middle of a torrential downpour, I would feel really bad spending that much money for an umbrella.

I guess I was driving my boyfriend nuts that time, always checking out the department stores and not really buying anything. So he suggested I use the Singapore umbrella. To which I promptly balked. What? I didn't want to use it since it was (a) relatively not cheap, (b) I might ruin it and cry and (c) it had sentimental value. But then again, as they say, what good is having the best crystals if you just keep it on display in the glass cabinet, right? Things are meant to be used, not stored and forgotten in some mysterious place. So I ended up using it.

And eventually losing it.

Endings

One rainy day, the day right after I recovered from a high fever, I left my umbrella in the corner to dry. It was a busy day, and as I left the office, I forgot that I left my umbrella just sitting there on the damn floor. I only remembered that my umbrella was missing when I was cleaning up my backpack on Thursday. That was two days later. There it was, the umbrella case was innocently lying inside my messy backpack, but where in the world was my umbrella? I asked the guards at the office, and my officemates, but no one had seen it. It was gone. Pffffttt. Kaput. Abracadabra-like-magic-gone.

(On a paranoidal sidenote, I am realizing why I am beginning to hate my office. I keep losing things. I lose my laptop. I lose my umbrella. What next? My sanity? My sense of well being? Why me? Are there goblins and trolls around?)


Moving On

And so I will always remember that umbrella fondly. It wasn't "just" an umbrella. Because of its origins, and its character, that umbrella will always have a soft spot in my heart. The umbrella may be gone, but everything associated with it, will remain with me.

Goodbye. And may you give your new owner (well, it couldn't really have miraculously disappeared) the same joy and satisfaction you have given me.

Puff the Magic Dragon.
In front of the place where we bought the umbrella

Note: Special thanks to hello.com for posting the pictures to this blog.

A night in the office

Just another ordinary night in the office...

tama bang

aminin na nating may taning

itong pag ibig natin

dakila man

walang kasaysayang kakapit

sa bulag na pag ibig

-- Imago, "Taning"

Just a song that keeps playing in my mind. Aya's lilting voice playing in my head, lifting up my spirits with a song that really talks about a love that is about to be let go of.

permiso sa isang araw na

makasama ka

abiso ng pusong bulag

na humahanga

She wails through her plea to be with her loved one, even for just one day.

"Our co-workers have no idea. They speak only of miracles. This is our story. This is our group. And we are one hell of a supergroup."

Around the other aisle, Tonette is dubbing her lines for the short movie that Jay is making. I sit here in my cubicle, typing this blog, while trying to motivate myself to dive into those complex lines of code. Will I get Alzheimer's if I don't use my brain? Urban legends of the twisted mind...times like these, I really wonder why I get into this "cram-slam-bang" situations. Deadlines everywhere, and I'm still "trying" to motivate myself to start the work?? Terrible work habits...I didn't used to be like this. It's never really a problem of understanding, it's more like a problem of revving the motor and starting the engine and getting the whole show on the road.

"Ganda ng ngiti mo ah"

Monna and Karen come back, from a "drinking" gimik somewhere nearby. In a few moments, the rest of the people come back, and the office is loud again. Alive. Milan, the handsome foreigner guy who's the center of attention, walks by and smiles. Ah, I knew he noticed me...

And so another night rolls by. Another night, and in a few hours, another new day.

I Got Sick

What a creative title. I got sick. :) But as in, I really got sick. Monday night, while on a jeep on the way home, I was almost shivering because I felt so cold. As soon as I got home, I downed Vitamin-C and Biogesic Paracetamol tablets, gave myself a sponge bath, and tried to sleep away my fever. To no avail, I might add. I lay in bed for almost three hours, counting down from 800 to 1 in an effort to fall asleep. I read somewhere before that one of the effective methods to get down to a trance-like (and therefore sleep-like) state was to count downwards -- it wasn't as easy as counting up from 1 to 100, so you'd be concentrating more on the next number thus you'll be able to easily block out other thoughts from your mind. Unfortunately, I must be terrible at entering trance-like states, and my mind kept straying. I kept thinking of crazy reasons why I got sick.

Must be the new shoes...maybe the height of the heels had something to do with it....
Or it must have been the cold pizza I ate...
Or the reheated fried chicken I had for dinner...salmonella anyone?
Or maybe it was because I was allergic to the hair dye? Duh?
Or....

And the list went on and on. My thoughts even strayed to wedding gowns and dresses and churches and beaches and what would I wear on my wedding day and would I even get married and maybe I should try to migrate and but I'm too lazy now to uproot myself and if I migrate I have to finish my thesis and how did robin feel when he had to rush me to the hospital and why did the chicken cross the damn road?

And so in my delusional state, I wrapped myself tightly in my blanket, with all of the windows in my room tightly shut. I was cold, and yet I could really feel that my fever was burning hot. I was able to fall asleep eventually, and when I woke up, my head still ached and I still felt woozy. But I promised my boss I would go to work, especially since we also had to shoot the video that he would be using for a presentation next week. So despite my terrible state, I still went to work. Which is quite ironic, since this is the time that I'm really sick, and yet this is the time I don't use my sick leave. Wait, did I just admit that I'm not really that sick when I use my sick leaves? Oops...

So now, it's Wednesday. I feel much better now, just a nagging cough remains to remind me of that night. I think I'm still not over it yet, my throat still feels clogged and if I think too hard, my head aches. Haha. Just perfect. Could I use that as an excuse to slack off? =)