Murphy's Law

Exxxx Cannot connect to Broker

This error message greeted me today. I'm already late and I can't start working because of this error (I could explain why, but it would take too long =p)

In any case, this is Murphy's Day. Murphy's Law at work.

Rejoice. And celebrate. Just be careful not to fall flat on your face (Murphy's law, ok).

one more day

One more day to go before the Samsung AXN Challenge....I'm excited, but I'm also afraid. It's my first adventure race (not counting the utrekarera race within our small group), and of course I am afraid. I'm pretty sure I'm not as fast as the race veterans, but what if they're too fast and they bump into me and I can't jump out of the way in time and I fall splat straight towards the asphalt ground and I have to cry because the injury hurts too much? Waaa!

Sigh...breathe in....breathe out....in any case, I learned a lot in the short month that we've been preparing. I learned to ride a bike around the metro, rollerblade (sort of, I can still walk faster), sisid (yes I never learned to do that before), rappel properly, and dragon-boat row. I learned that rowing is an interesting sport, as long as 1) I overcome this inability to wake up very early, and 2) I keep at it because my endurance at this sport isn't really all that good.

I'm afraid. But right now, I should concentrate at my work. Stupid work and reworks. Reworks not my fault but I have to do them, and I can't bring myself to concentrate enough on the task at hand. You know how sometimes when you're done with a project, you don't want to think about it anymore? Well, here it is. I don't want to think about it. I am concentrating very hard to re-format my brilliant solution into the new framework being designed by other people. I mean, that's well and good and as it should be, but the problem is, there's a time frame, a project deadline I was trying to catch. And now more work needs to be done but the project deadline did not move at all. And it's my fault since I can't concentrate. I can't think. I want to be a mindless athlete earning big bucks. Or a social butterfly who just needs to be charming and doesn't need to actually do any work. Bah! Why am I complaining. This is my bread and butter. This feeds my whims and fancies.

Some days I like my work. And some days...I just want to leave it all behind.

sugar-free

I finally broke up with my boyfriend, and I AM FINALLY FREE!!!

haha, of course he still doesn't know it yet. But really, enough is enough. The fact that imagining myself free of him gives me such a sense of relief means it is time. Hmm...of course I'm a teeny weeny bit afraid that it may always be time to move on, and that I may never have that chance to settle into my happy-ever-after ending. Maybe there is no ending for me. Maybe I'll be a fabulously hip single person at 60. Who knows. Anyway, let the future decide itself. Today, my quote of the day is from Eleanore Roosevelt. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And starting today, I don't, and I won't, consent anymore.

Dearest (for Virginia)

Dearest,

I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.
V.

5:30 Rants

Let me rant.

• There was this email that I was trying to compose and send to a customer, but this email client keeps on hanging up on me. It takes me more than 30 minutes to get the darn email to send, and before I even do that, I find out that my boss has already replied to the customer. All because it took me very long to send the goddarn email.
  



• Why can't SquirrelMail be like...yahoo!? Look at the documentation for Squirrelmail version 1.4.3a (the version we're using):
  
  The SquirrelMail development team are pleased to announce the release of 1.4.3a. This release contains a minor bug fix that seemed to have caused some issues with users in replying to mail. This release also contains numerous XSS fixes from the 1.4.3 release.
  
  --> Waaa!!! I'm still having "issues" when replying to mail!!!!
  



• From their website (squirrelmail.org):
  
  SquirrelMail has all the functionality you would want from an email client, including strong MIME support, address books, and folder manipulation
  
  --> Nooooo. It doesn't contain *all* the functionality I would want from an email client. I want to be able to compose in HTML, which Squirrelmail doesn't support (or I don't know how to configure this). And it tends to hang when replying to email! (see previous bullet point).
  



• Haven't slept yet. Haven't you noticed? Haha. And today of all days, when I'm supposed to meet someone at 6:30 AM. I am so trying to bury my ass in the mud.
  



• !#$#%@#$@$@#$**^*#
  



• Well, here's to another day....