Emo Mode

I need to take a step back.

And for some reason, today this is the song that is playing in my head.

There's always some reason
To not feel good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction...

Nursery Song 3

Since I'm going to spend an inordinate amount of time googling how to pronounce these, I might as well note these down for posterity. These are Chinese children's songs being taught in my kid's nursery class. The only problem is, we don't know much Chinese. So here goes, maybe this would help some other person in the future:

Song 3:
Chinese:
好宝宝, 有礼貌, 回家会把手儿招
老师再见, 朋友再见

Pin yin:
Hǎo bǎobǎo, yǒu lǐmào, huí jiā huì bǎshǒu er zhāo,
lǎoshī zàijiàn, péngyǒu zàijiàn

Baroque English:
Good baby, has politeness, when going home will say
Goodbye teacher, Goodbye friends

Special thanks to Google Translate. :)

Thoughts On a Saturday Eve

Two events that made me real proud today it almost scares me:

1) my kid singing along to Nirvana's "Man Who Sold the World" the first time she heard it

2) my kid reciting the "Angel of God" prayer in the children's thanksgiving mass at her preschool. and she was the only one! she raised her hand without shyness or care, kept on raising it even if she wans't noticed at first, and when she was called to answer, she said her piece without a care for shyness or what others may think. Cool in my opinion.

Why does it scare me? Because we might not be up to the task of nurturing her innate goodness, to help her be who she truly is -- a beautiful, brave, confident girl who is talented and good and kind. Come on, we messed up with ourselves somewhere along the way...my fear is that my mistakes and my fears might be a hindrance to who she can be and to who she truly is.

Then again she might be truly talented and transcend the shortcomings of her parents and caregivers on her own.

One thing I must not forget -- value my self worth. I owe it not just to myself but to my daughter as well.

I am an unromantic person, but if I sometimes find myself wishing for a prince charming, what does that tell me? Whatever. Remember to always value who you are and your self worth. Because if you don't, no one else will. In real life, there is no prince charming. At least not in my fairy tale. There are princes maybe. And princesses. But each redeems himself/herself according to their own efforts, and no one should let anyone trample them. No one life is more important than another's. I want to say something dramatic but I feel...I don't know what to feel anymore. I've been tired for too long. I feel you don't listen to what I say sometimes.

Who knows? Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World

Have I actually sold the world, forgotten my value, given up on who I am? I know if you read this, you will think I am insulting you. You always find a way to relate things to you. This is not always about you you know. Although I can't fault you. All of us always find a way to relate something to ourselves. I remember spending some birthdays and other special occasions in a hospital because you were sick. I wanted to feel special on my day, instead it was your day because you needed more attention and somewhere deep inside I resented it. It wasn't really your fault right? But...bumawi ka ba?

I must have died alone, a long long time ago

This is not a good feeling to have so near to special dates and such (unless they really don't mean anything to you at all). I've been telling you that. Suggesting ways to go beyond what I think and feel and what you think and feel. But I don't think you're listening.

I've been second-guessing myself if I am being overly dramatic. But it's my life. I also deserve to be overly dramatic if I wish to be. And frankly, I don't think I am overly dramatic. Which confuses me all the more.

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World

Yeah, suddenly I wish for Prince Charming. Or maybe a higher cause to forget that wish.

It Pays Not to Pay Attention

Took the time to actually read an EULA (End User License Agreement)...you know, the part where you usually just say "yes" to without reading when you're downloading or installing something. I'm not too sure, maybe I'm just a bit slow today...but somehow I can't understand what the hell this means:

We are responsible for loss suffered by you as a result of our breach of this contract if the loss was reasonably foreseeable by both you and us when this contract was entered into.

Yey that "they" are responsible...but I don't understand, so they are responsible if you enter into the contract knowing it will result to a loss? Huh? Why enter the contract if you know you'd lose?

We are not responsible for: (i) loss that was not reasonably foreseeable;

What the hell does "reasonably foreseeable" mean?

Of course I couldn't understand it. No one reads this anyway. So I clicked "I Accept". Duh.

Can't Decide

Can't decide.

Isis Bungalow or Golden Palm at Alona Beach in Panglao Island, Bohol?

Map based from http://jimspears.net/alona/map.htm

Both Isis and Golden Palm quoted me the same price, except that Golden Palm included airport transfers and breakfast, while Isis did not. Cheapskate Chinese would opt for Golden Palm, especially since it has good reviews. But it's not that beach front, unlike Isis which is more beach front. And I want my kiddo to play on the beach. On the sand. On the beach. But I want airport transfers as well. Because also of kiddo. The more comfortable she is, the more comfortable we all are. Haha!

Yes, sometimes I obsess about these small decisions.