Under the Influence and Over the BS

You can like the life you're living
You can live the life you like...

So goes a song used in one of the commercials repeatedly shown on the ETC Channel.

Lately, the song has been running through my head. Maybe it's because I watch too much late night TV. Or maybe, because (gasp!) I've been really ruminating on something that's been bothering me -- what I really want.

The main word for the past few days (and maybe even the past year), is "influence". Mostly, the lack thereof. Or to put it depressingly, my own seeming lack thereof. Of course, deep down inside, I don't believe that BS. But even deeper down inside, there's the gnawing doubt that hey, maybe Big Brother is right.

The universe conspires to give you what you really want. And I believe that. But the trouble is, sometimes there's this vague struggle on what is it that I really want. I think one of my weaknesses is I'm generally carefree -- the secret of youth -- let life take you where it may. Don't get me wrong, I'm no pushover. If I really want something, I go for it. If I really don't like something, I stand up against it. But (and there's the "but" again), most of the time, I just enjoy life, and I don't really express any strong desire for anything.

Wimp din ako minsan, lalo na when I realize na I've been left behind. Parang batang iniwanan na ng mga kalaro. Tapos magmumukmok sa isang madilim na sulok. Haha.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. But the world will never listen to what has never been said either. Despite my reluctance to be loud and carry my own torch, if I do not want to be buried and forgotten, eventually I would have to do just that. Sell all my principles to be the next big thing. Hehe. Don't worry. Of course, I'm just joking.

Anyway, the point of this post is, I have to take action. I have to make a choice. Shape up or ship out. Like it or change it. Sulk or do something about it.

Once again, I have to grow up.

And please. Enough BS from other people.

All Around Pinas

Ok, got this from Monna and also Dennis. There's this site where you can check the places around the Philippines that you've been to, and it rates you as a traveller.

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

My Lakbayan grade is B-!

Well, there are a lot of places I haven't been to. But what's surprising is it seems I haven't even set foot on north eastern Luzon! Hmm...more places to visit soon! :)

Baby On The Way

Well, this ultrasound pic was taken last April 14...pero excited na ata kami ngayon. Hehe. Two months to go!

Roxy's birthday gift to us -- our first baby stuff!

We still don't have much baby stuff, and I guess we're gearing ourselves up for a headache since we're also going to move house in the next two months. That means furniture and baby expenses all rolled into one big bang! Bok also has a new toy -- a brand new videocam (thanks BPI Installment Madness!) But, we'll just take things one at a time...well, we have no choice actually, we have to. :)

Good day to all!

Our Deepest Fear

Well, I found this quote in, of all places, a baby magazine (that I got for free from this childbirth class. It turns out the teacher is also a columnist for this magazine).

A quote by inspirational book author Marianne Williamson, from her 1992 book "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracle":

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is wihtin us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Manila and the Days Gone By

An article written last year for a travel writing workshop. Yes, I attended a travel writing workshop. Yes, it was fun. And yes, the title probably sucks. :) But anyway, I'm still sharing this article, which has been described at some point as a bit depressing. Read on. :)

“Intramuros is the Philippine’s Angkor Wat,” declared Carlos Celdran, one of Manila’s celebrated walking tour guides.

Wow, I thought. And my friends and I were wondering where to get money to visit the magnificent stone temples of Angkor Wat in far away Cambodia, when all along there exists stone-walled Intramuros in our beloved Manila.

My friend Jao would’ve loved this tour. She who always wonders why backpackers rarely come to Manila, and concludes that one reason is we don’t have enough “culture” to attract them. Now, here was this flamboyant guide Carlos saying Manila abounded in culture – when once upon a time Manila was the first-world city of Asia, thanks to the Americans – except that the spirit of glorious Manila died when the city was bombed and shredded in the aftermath of World War II, also courtesy of the Americans. So what now, is the real Manila still alive or dead?

As a resident of Manila, I live on its fringes, and rarely come down to visit Intramuros. Intramuros for me was for field trips, for occasional night outs with girlfriends, visiting the WOW Philippines exhibitions, and the occasional wedding. I used to wonder how it would feel for the people who actually live their lives within the Intramuros walls – surely, students who study in the schools around the area must feel more nationalistic when surrounded with the history of the Intramuros walls?

But such it is that we Filipinos rarely live and breathe history. We bemoan our lot, the lack of progress, the corruption of our officials, and we do our best to survive from day to day. Taking care of culture and history is not one of our primary goals. Even government does not prioritize the propagation of pride in our culture. The city of Manila tore down the historical Mehan Gardens, built by the Spaniards in 1858, to make way for a city college so more Filipinos could go abroad and earn a living.

"Before you can change how Manila looks, you have to change first how you look at Manila." For a few hours, Carlos Celdran takes you on a quick tour of the history of the Philippines, from the nipa huts of the pre-Spanish period, to the arrival of the Spanish, their importation of the stones used to build Intramuros, to the American colonization and to the aftermath of the Japanese occupation and WWII. And throughout that time, safe in the confines of what is now the Philippine’s oldest church, you are treated to a vision of how Manila was in those times. Your view of Manila changes. Yes, Manila has a soul. Yes, Manila has history, and she is alive and well for it.

Pride swells at such a thought. For a few brief moments, I am proud of my city. But at the same time, thinking of Celdran’s description of the ruin of Manila after World War II, I am sad too. It seems we never have risen from that fall, we have never regained our former glory. A few days later, eating at one of the little carinderias lined up along the Intramuros walls, I gather my thoughts. Yes, Intramuros may be steeped in history, but it is a history we choose to forget. Most of Intramuros has been reconstructed (San Agustin Church is the only authentic building still standing), and though we do try to evoke the beauty and mystery of Manila during the Spanish period, we can only look at Manila through rose-colored eyes for a few brief moments at a time. After a while, the intrusions of real life distract you -- from the abandoned warehouses within the fringes of the Intramuros walls, to the poorly maintained roads and the squalor of some of the houses just a few blocks from the grandiosity and romanticism of Manila Cathedral and San Agustin.

I can change the way I look at Manila, but I cannot turn a blind eye towards its other aspects. Manila lives and breathes, at times beautiful, at times frustrating. For what it’s worth, Celdran’s walking tour seeks to open us up to another aspect of Manila, and helps us see the history beneath the city from the vantage point of Intramuros. Intramuros then, is a temple that enshrines the history of what Manila had been. For this view alone, the tour is well worth its price.

*** Take Carlos Celdran's walking tours and see Manila in a different light. Check out his blog at this link.