1) my kid singing along to Nirvana's "Man Who Sold the World" the first time she heard it
2) my kid reciting the "Angel of God" prayer in the children's thanksgiving mass at her preschool. and she was the only one! she raised her hand without shyness or care, kept on raising it even if she wans't noticed at first, and when she was called to answer, she said her piece without a care for shyness or what others may think. Cool in my opinion.
Why does it scare me? Because we might not be up to the task of nurturing her innate goodness, to help her be who she truly is -- a beautiful, brave, confident girl who is talented and good and kind. Come on, we messed up with ourselves somewhere along the way...my fear is that my mistakes and my fears might be a hindrance to who she can be and to who she truly is.
Then again she might be truly talented and transcend the shortcomings of her parents and caregivers on her own.
One thing I must not forget -- value my self worth. I owe it not just to myself but to my daughter as well.
I am an unromantic person, but if I sometimes find myself wishing for a prince charming, what does that tell me? Whatever. Remember to always value who you are and your self worth. Because if you don't, no one else will. In real life, there is no prince charming. At least not in my fairy tale. There are princes maybe. And princesses. But each redeems himself/herself according to their own efforts, and no one should let anyone trample them. No one life is more important than another's. I want to say something dramatic but I feel...I don't know what to feel anymore. I've been tired for too long. I feel you don't listen to what I say sometimes.
Who knows? Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World
Have I actually sold the world, forgotten my value, given up on who I am? I know if you read this, you will think I am insulting you. You always find a way to relate things to you. This is not always about you you know. Although I can't fault you. All of us always find a way to relate something to ourselves. I remember spending some birthdays and other special occasions in a hospital because you were sick. I wanted to feel special on my day, instead it was your day because you needed more attention and somewhere deep inside I resented it. It wasn't really your fault right? But...bumawi ka ba?
I must have died alone, a long long time ago
This is not a good feeling to have so near to special dates and such (unless they really don't mean anything to you at all). I've been telling you that. Suggesting ways to go beyond what I think and feel and what you think and feel. But I don't think you're listening.
I've been second-guessing myself if I am being overly dramatic. But it's my life. I also deserve to be overly dramatic if I wish to be. And frankly, I don't think I am overly dramatic. Which confuses me all the more.
Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World
Yeah, suddenly I wish for Prince Charming. Or maybe a higher cause to forget that wish.
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