Under the Influence and Over the BS

You can like the life you're living
You can live the life you like...

So goes a song used in one of the commercials repeatedly shown on the ETC Channel.

Lately, the song has been running through my head. Maybe it's because I watch too much late night TV. Or maybe, because (gasp!) I've been really ruminating on something that's been bothering me -- what I really want.

The main word for the past few days (and maybe even the past year), is "influence". Mostly, the lack thereof. Or to put it depressingly, my own seeming lack thereof. Of course, deep down inside, I don't believe that BS. But even deeper down inside, there's the gnawing doubt that hey, maybe Big Brother is right.

The universe conspires to give you what you really want. And I believe that. But the trouble is, sometimes there's this vague struggle on what is it that I really want. I think one of my weaknesses is I'm generally carefree -- the secret of youth -- let life take you where it may. Don't get me wrong, I'm no pushover. If I really want something, I go for it. If I really don't like something, I stand up against it. But (and there's the "but" again), most of the time, I just enjoy life, and I don't really express any strong desire for anything.

Wimp din ako minsan, lalo na when I realize na I've been left behind. Parang batang iniwanan na ng mga kalaro. Tapos magmumukmok sa isang madilim na sulok. Haha.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. But the world will never listen to what has never been said either. Despite my reluctance to be loud and carry my own torch, if I do not want to be buried and forgotten, eventually I would have to do just that. Sell all my principles to be the next big thing. Hehe. Don't worry. Of course, I'm just joking.

Anyway, the point of this post is, I have to take action. I have to make a choice. Shape up or ship out. Like it or change it. Sulk or do something about it.

Once again, I have to grow up.

And please. Enough BS from other people.