one day

sleepy words assail me
the pungent smell of dog poo wafts through the cool night air
there is a future, there always is
and tomorrow is another day we have to face
in a cycle where sometimes we find ourselves above it all
and sometimes we are rolling in deep shit
like a roller coaster drop
your stomach plummets to the floor
right before that big hurl through gravity and height

the smell of freshly baked bread tempts me
buttery fragrance that will forever remind me of sleepy mornings and bright sunshines
and of course there is a reason for every past heartache and sorrow
except that like morning showers, we have to do everything again
every day
every single day
every single normal day

that single effort is not enough
and you find yourself doing the same thing every day
every single day
every single normal day
and then your life
has just passed by
one day
one single day
one single normal day at a time

Of Vanity and Health

Seemed to have gained 5 pounds over the weekend. Well, I haven't really gone to the gym for over a month now, although I should because I availed of my employer's gym benefit and I am required to go to the gym at least 5 times per month. Talk about pressure.

I was planning to go today though. Except it's now 8PM and I still have a gazillion things to do that I'm not really in the mood for. Sigh. There's a travel writing workshop coming up, I don't know if I should go, what with my unpredictable schedule and all. In any case, the travel writing workshop would take 4 Wednesdays to complete, and well, I do have a meeting set for this Wednesday. And it does cost money, and I am kinda spending a lot these days. Have to spend money this weekend since we're going to Batangas...and then again the week after that, since we're planning on going to Bicol. Shoot, that reminds me, I have to file my leave. Oh, crap.

You know what, I injured my knee last Sunday when I fell off a bike. Yes, like a little lost kid, I fell off a bike and scratched my knee. The wound is still fresh though, and sometimes it hurts, a sudden pain shooting through my knee. Must be the bacteria having a blast.

Back to work....

Faith

Sometimes it all just boils down to faith. Addictions are crutches and vices are the rituals we perform to make things easier. Anything, to make life a bit easier.

"I can't tell you how to get there, but you know where to go."
-- Fait, character played by DMZ, Cradle 2 the Grave

Or something like that. I was watching HBO, that's why. In any case, there's no clear coherent emotionally honest artistic thought in me, so there goes this blog. This blog is going the way of song lyrics and misquoted movie lines.


Movies I want to watch (but haven't):

1. Chasing Amy
2. The Professional
3. My Sassy Girl
4. Me without you
5. Chungking Express
6. Before Sunrise

Adventure of the week:
http://www.pbase.com/xieurx/avilon


Cynical post of the week:

There are times for beginnings, and time for endings. In a relationship, there are two synergies working. And when one bogs down, there's never really any guarantee that the relationship will still work. Such is life, such is being human. We're not ducks, we don't mate for life. We mate for convenience, and for the comfort of having someone to blame when all else fails.

am tired

am tired
am sick
am stressed out

1:43 AM

I have this penchant for 1:43. Everytime I look at the watch, I notice if the time says 1:43, and it just strikes me. Maybe it's the corny implications of 1-4-3, I-Love-You. Maybe it reminds me of childhood love and stupid infatuations and happy romances. I don't know. In any case, while I was in the middle of some crisis at work, I looked at the PC clock, and there it was, "1:43 AM".

1:43 AM, no work laptop (being repaired), and stuck in a crisis with 3 people helping me out. Rather, we were all helping each other out. It's now 3AM, the crisis has abated but remains unresolved. It's time to sleep and rest, but I can't, not yet anyway. I still feel hyper, so here I am, writing in my blog.

There are actually so many things I want to say, so many things I haven't done. Sometimes in the middle of doing something I think of something profound, but when the time comes to actually write it down, it's gone. It's gone, trivialized, forgotten, distorted, just plain gone. Which is why I haven't written anything down in this blog so far. I could tell you about my weekend, about Tarak, a mountain in Bataan, and how beautiful it is, and how great the ridge at the peak was. I could tell you about how the white stones are covered with such green moss, and how the trees at the peak look like giant bonsais. I could tell you about the trail, a snapshot straight of an autumn postcard, so much so that it really made you feel that you were in some other country. I could post pictures and help you see, but I doubt I can do that, make you see that is. And however which way I'll describe that sight would most probably not do the place any justice.

I could tell you about my dreams and aspirations. I could tell you about my frustrations, at work and in life. I could tell you how extremely hungry I am right now, and how I really wish I bought a pack of Granny Goose Tortillas home. I could also tell you about my little accomplishments, and how I finally learned to ride a bike. I could tell you how I woke up one morning with a dream in my mind, and that dream convinced me that it was time for me to learn to bike. Embarassingly enough, I actually cried when I was able to finally balance myself. I guess it was such an "accepted" trivial shortcoming that to think of actually overcoming it made me emotional. And so I cried. And so I will forever be thankful to that dream, and to the person who taught me to ride a bike.

Dreams do come true, trivial though they may be.