the dream of someone else

I was watching "You've Got Mail" on cable, and in Meg Ryan and Greg Kinnear's cordial breakup scene (they were breaking up over dinner and laughter), Greg Kinnear's character mentioned he had someone else. And he asked Meg Ryan's character (Kathleen Kelly) if she had someone else too. And after a slight pause, a dreamy smile, she said, "No. But I have that dream of someone else."

A toast to the holiday season, and cable TV showing mushy romantic movies.

Merry Christmas!

Closing Cycles, by Paolo Coelho

For lack of awe-inspiring original thought, today I bring to you another person's words. This is quite a long article, and I'm putting it here simply because I like the last line: "Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

It's going to be the start of another year soon, and it's going to be another chance to redefine who we are and who we want to be.

Good luck.

---

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on
staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles,
shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters
is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Had a loving relationship come to an end? Did
you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Had a long-lasting
friendship end all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why
this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until
you find out why certain things that were
so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like
that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone
involved: your parents, your h usband or wife, your friends, your
children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over
new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at
a standstill. None of us can be in the present and
the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things
that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be
children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our
parents,lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has
gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and
the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to
destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or
donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a
manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts -
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other
memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself
from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win
and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect
your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to
be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same
program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from
a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that
are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment."

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell
yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there
was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing
is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may
even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride,incapacity or arrogance, but
simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the
record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Na Naman

Papasok na naman! Hay.

FPJ is Dead

Can you die of heartbreak?

The past presidential election must have caused FPJ extreme heartbreaks. He didn't win, but he ran because everyone close to him told him he'd win. And he didn't. He lost the elections, retreated from the limelight, and was just now starting to emerge again. He just shot his beer commercial with Juday. Now that he's dead, what will San Miguel do with that commercial?

But I wish to pay my respects anyway. He may not have been an ideal president, but I believe the show biz folk who say he was a good man.

Cheers, to a good man...to the King of Philippine Movies.

About a Boy

My ex-boyfriend approached me, smiled sheepishly, and said, "Have you heard?"

"Heard what?", I asked, even though I knew fully what he was going to say. It was best to pretend I didn't know anything, I don't know, I just thought the best reaction would be one of pleasant surprise. And well, you can't act surprised if you didn't pretend you didn't know.

"Maybe Alvin or the others told you," he said.

"Nope, they didn't mention anything," I smiled questioningly. "Why, what's up?"

"I'm getting married!" he said.

Of course, I knew weeks before that he was going to get married early next year. I also knew his girlfriend now was pregnant. Initially, when I found out, I was inexplainably happy. Even though that thin girl with the long hair and the big boobs did manage to steal my then-boyfriend away, I'm generally not a selfish person. I don't begrudge what isn't mine. And for some reason, I even felt relieved that he was going to get married. Although I do have to admit, I was gloating quite a bit that he was getting married because he got his girl pregnant.

But today, I was sincere.

"Congratulations!" I exclaimed, and extended my hand to shake his. He smiled even more sheepishly, like a schoolboy about to admit that he had a crush on someone. This reminded me of the way he was before, the pa-cute shyness that effectively endears a guy to a girl.

"She's four months pregnant," he said, smiling proudly yet still maintaining his shy demeanor.

And I could see the pride, and the love, in his eyes, in his actions, in his words. He was truly proud of becoming a father. And I was truly happy for him. I don't really know the girl, but I knew my ex-boyfriend. And I am sincerely happy that he found his happiness, his call to fatherhood, his call to married life.

Top Ten Excuses for Insomnia

Yep, it's almost 5AM and I haven't slept yet. Here are some reasons, which I've used at one time or another, or which I've heard others use, in justifying why they can't sleep:

1. I don't want to sleep because I don't feel like I have done anything significant during the day, and I won't sleep until I do so. Or until I tire myself trying to do so.


2. Deadly deadline tomorrow.


3. Pag natulog ako, bitin ang tulog ko, sasakit ulo ko pag gising ko. Kaya di na lang ako matutulog.


4. I am heartbroken and I keep replaying the past in my mind.


5. I am too giddy with happiness and excitement and I can't sleep.


6. I'm too engrossed with the book I'm reading, or with the task that I'm doing.
7. I'm too lazy to sleep. I just want to stare blankly at nothing.


8. I drank too much coffee.


9. I watched too much TV/VCD/DVD/HBO/ETC
   
   ...and the all-time classic:
   


10. I don't want to sleep because that means i have to wake up and face another dreadful day tomorrow.

Rlimpics Rally

Makati Skyline, 6AM

For the past three years, Richard has been celebrating his birthday by holding a sportsfest amongst friends. Last year, the awarding ceremony was held at Subic, with a car rally (a la Amazing Race) to make things more interesting. This year, the awarding ceremonies was held in Kabayan Resort, in Laiya, Batangas.

The beach was great, perfect for little kids and those afraid of the deep unknown sea. You could walk a long long way, and the water would still be upto your waist. You definitely wouldn't be afraid to drown here. The water is clear, and the sand is fine. Not as white or as fine as Boracay, but fine and white enough. Although resorts dot the beach front, the place isn't too commercialized. Going there is a bit rough though...you would have to pass through a stretch of rough, dusty road. The place is around 3-4 hours away from Manila. A nice alternative vacation place.

Kabayan Resort
Laiya, Batangas

This Is My Life

"This is your life, are you who you want to be..."

Switchfoot's song was blaring from my radio while I was driving home this evening. It was past midnight, and though I knew Quirino Avenue would still be slow-moving at this hour, I chose to pass that way tonight. I don't know, maybe I wanted to feel alone amidst the slow moving traffic. I wanted to contemplate my life while driving in the dark but familiar streets of Manila, with the radio comforting me in my self-imposed loneliness.

I am not really alone in life. I have my friends, I have my parents, I have my family. My family with its soap-opera-like secrets. Or maybe I'm just trying to make my life, my origins, sound more interesting than usual. In any case, I know it doesn't matter. I know the truth, and I know my truth. And that is really all that matters in this life. To know your truth, to know who you are, who you want to be, and who you ought to be. A great big struggle to be who you want while still making peace with who your loved ones want you to be. Life. Life is supposed to be lived passionately, and, well, there are moments you just want to be alone, and moments you want to make a great big splash of an entrance. Moments when you want to run away as fast as your legs can carry you. Moments when you are silent, but you want to punch the wall as hard as you possibly can. Give the world all your strength, and after the fact, lie there on the floor, totally exhausted but satisfied that you fought back.

"yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

yesterday is a promise that you've broken"

A million different ways. Life could have turned out a million different ways. I see patches of my life in other people's lives, only we have different endings. Different choices, different results, different people. Same pattern, different paths. The wheel of life turns, and there are moments I feel neglected, forgotton, abandoned, ignored.

"this is your life, are you who you want to be

this is your life, are you who you want to be

this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

when the world was younger and you had everything to lose"

No, this isn't really how I wanted to be when I was younger. Well, parts of it, yes. And parts...I don't know. We all have to cope somehow with what we have. The most sane thing to do in this world is to accept what you have and believe that it is the best thing that could happen to you. To believe that you are better off because of it, not inspite of it. Some people call that settling. And some people call that being strong and realistic.

"yesterday is a kid in the corner

yesterday is dead and over"

Yesterday is dead and over. But me...I'm still alive.

Cabaret

What good is sitting alone

In your room?

Come hear the music play.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum...

Come to the Cabaret.

Put down the knitting,

The book and the broom.

Time for a holiday.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret.

Striking play...a bit slow in some parts. Monique Wilson is really good, and so are the rest of the cast. If you were expecting a "fun" play, yes it was fun, but it was also a sad comment on the rise of Nazis in Germany at the time before WWII.

*http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Balcony/5705/Cabaret.html

Murphy's Law

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This error message greeted me today. I'm already late and I can't start working because of this error (I could explain why, but it would take too long =p)

In any case, this is Murphy's Day. Murphy's Law at work.

Rejoice. And celebrate. Just be careful not to fall flat on your face (Murphy's law, ok).