For the People Who Take Care of Us

Po Po - Cantonese for Maternal Grandmother

My grandmother died 17 years ago today.

Who's Popo To Me?
My parents were both working, so my grandmother was the one who took care of me. She was my dad's mother, but like my cousins, I called her "Popo". Popo was strict, and I still remember when she used to chase me with a feather duster, so she can spank my behind to discipline me. Like most parent-figure relationships wherein the parent figure disciplines you, it was love-hate for some days. But there were always good days. When I was a bit older, she always prepared instant noodles for me to eat when I came home from school. Yes she monitored my phone calls (back in the days when phones were still used for calling and "telebabad"), but as I grew older, I understood the discipline came with love. The expression may not be perfect, but whose is? We shared a room, and the last few years, I always made it a point to tell her I love her before we fell asleep. That's one thing I will never regret -- saying I love you, every night.

And She Said Goodbye...
That summer, it was my first trip abroad on my own, a 6-week Taiwan study tour. A few days after May, the family ate a meal in a resto on Shaw Blvd, roast duck cooked 3 ways, from what I recall they told me. Popo didn't want to eat the roast duck...she said she wanted to wait for me to come back. And then a few days later, she was hospitalized. Massive organ failures. I don't even recall the root cause, one organ failed followed by another, until everyone knew she had to go. They called in the priest and baptized her, Maria. Through it all, she held on until I did come back. I don't think she could recognize me anymore when I did come back. But she waited. And with our history, who wouldn't be touched that she waited to try to say goodbye?

...While I Couldn't...Yet
I think I held on even after she went. She had grandchildren, but I was the latest one, the closest one. We lived together, we slept together, we loved and fought and knew each other as people who live together closely can. I kept on dreaming about her, until one day, she appeared and said, let me go. And I did.

"Though lovers be lost

Love shall not

And death shall have no dominion"

- Dylan Thomas

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

Thank You
Because Popo was always there. Because taking care of someone else is a thankless job sometimes, and the people you care for don't always appreciate what you've given up to take care of them. The little things and gestures, considered routine and expected, are not always mentioned, but they matter, because those little things become the foundation of a relationship. It's not always about quality time. There are times when quantity trumps quality, especially when it comes to raising a child, so we should give a hurray to those people who do choose to spend quantity time.

To the people who've taken care of us, Thank You.

Today is for my grandmother. I know she is at peace.