Tuesday, September 14, 2004

what didn't happen (don't take it seriously)

Today, I didn't get to watch Dodgeball, a True Underdog story. Emotions run high, and low. Very low. All past transgressions relived and remembered. Men are scum, and men will leave you at the slightest inconvenience. Irrational thoughts, yes. Emotional thoughts, definitely.

I cry like I haven't cried in a long time. With emotion, with heartache, with resignation.

So I stay home, postpone work, and get to watch AutoFocus: The Bob Crane story on cable instead. I stay for the next movie, Vin Diesel's cocky Xander Cage and Samuel L. Jackson's Augustus Gibbons in Triple XXX, the movie. Quite ironic. Bob Crane was really into porn, and the next movie they show after his biography is Triple XXX?

So the question is, why? I try to be good. I try to be a sport about it. I get stuck in traffic for 3 hours. I try to make nothing of it. I haven't slept well since Wednesday, go on an 8-hour hike up a mountain, get really tired going down the mountain, fall flat on my face, get my head bonked on overhanging trees, have body aches all over, slam my face on the restroom door, and still I'm not rich enough or good enough to buy my own car and condo and live in a terror-free and economically successful society.

Xander Cage says, "I live for this shit." Maybe, the shit lives for me.

http://www.pbase.com/xieurx/mt_binangonan&page=all

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