The Tale of the Lizard

"I come in peace," it (the robot) said..."take me to your Lizard."

[A spaceship had just landed into earth. A robot comes out, demanding to be taken to our Lizard.]

This paraphrased excerpt* is from "So Long, And Thanks for All the Fish", the fourth book in the Hitchhiker's Trilogy by Douglas Adams. *Note that bits and pieces of narrative were deleted to emphasize the conversation between the two characters.

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, as he sat with Arthur and watched the nonstop frenetic news report on television...

Ford: "It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."

Arthur Dent: "You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"

Ford: "No, nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said Ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"

"What?"

"I said," said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, "have you got any gin?"

"I'll look. Tell me about the lizards."

Ford shrugged again.

"Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happened to them," he said. "They're completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone's got to say it."