I miss climbing. Haven't trekked in a looong while. I wish....I wish...ahhh, there are a million things I wish for. World peace, an end to poverty, hunger, racism, prejudice, hate. I wish...I wish I can always wake up with the hope that there is something I can do to make life better.
I wish...I wish I can sustain a long-term project better. I tend to lose interest after a while.
I wish...I wish for vain stuff, for clearer skin, for a smaller waist, for a better body. I wish for material things...a rashguard, a Rudy Project sunglass (ok, mahal nga sya), a trip to Batanes, a trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sandman comic books, more money to buy the right Christmas gifts for the right people.
I wish...I wish for a better life. I wish not to make a wrong decision regarding that life. I wish that someday I can expect more from this country, that our taxes will ultimately better our lives, that we as a people will not just "settle" for what is, but fight and work to have what we truly deserve. No more rickety second-hand buses crawling with baby cockroaches. We shouldn't accept power interruptions as the norm, and we shouldn't just "accept" the fact that even though we pay for water, water is delivered to our homes only if we're lucky. How many households in the Metro are on water rationing? True, we can survive with little, but the question is, why should we? Why should we, when we can have so much more? When we as a people deserve so much more?
No wonder most people who can, do run away. They've flown the coop, and staked their claim on lands other than their birthland. US, Canada, Australia, Singapore. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but home. And government actually encourages overseas employment. Like a poor mother who can't support her numerous children, our country is gladly putting up for adoption all of her promising children. "There is no hope here," she seems to be saying. "Leave, while you can."
There are moments when I wonder why I am still here. If you asked me years ago what was my dream, I would have said, to work abroad. And yet, here I am still. What's more, I am making a decision that will not give me any option but to stay. Ironically, a part of me has now become what I swore I would never be. And I wonder, did I not fight hard enough to get away? I have a good life, but I acknowledge that I have lost part of my battle. I lost, not because I was defeated, but because I didn't fight.
But we do what we must. Sometimes, we have to lose the battle to win the war.
And she says
"Baby, it's 3 am I must be lonely"
Well heaven she says
"Baby, Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes,
And the
rain's gonna wash away what I believe in"Matchbox Twenty, 3AM
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