Black Coffee Ramblings

I love coffee. Black, aromatic, swirling hot coffee. I also like cold coffee -- ice cold with an almost mocha-like coffee taste. But on second thought, I think "love" is too strong a word. Some people really love coffee, and I bow to their much stronger passion. So I guess I just "like" coffee.

So, I like black coffee. No sugar. No cream. No anything. Just freshly brewed coffee. I started liking black coffee when I started attending seminars in hotels and they served you freshly brewed coffee but you had to mix your own sugar and cream. And well, I was all for expedient measures. So I just skipped the sugar and cream.

Before that, I took 3 teaspoons of instant coffee with two sugars and two cream. I like my coffee strong, none of that diluted-with-too-much-sugar-and-cream taste for me. Now, thank God there's an instant coffee vending machine in the office. I take it black, thank you.

And I took too much today.

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"So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with takin the backstreets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow"
-- All Star, smashmouth

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And I have so many things to do but not really the will or the focus to do them. I mean, for one brief moment I'm motivated. And then...I procrastinate. I mean, this thesis stuff isn't really that important to me, otherwise I would have been finished with it. But it seems it's not really on my list of priorities, brain-wise or heart-wise. The degree doesn't seem to hold much weight for me right now. For some reason, perhaps because I can see that sometimes that degree doesn't really matter in the real world. If I was on my deathbed tomorrow I don't think I would regret not getting that master's degree. But...but the fact remains that the thing is so close and so near and so within reach, that it really is such a crying shame if I let go of it. And this "worry" thing over the whole issue, and this "insecurity" thing of others finishing it before I do, is such a heavy weight on my shoulders. It puts a damper to my mood, but obviously only for a little while each day. Otherwise I would have finished the damn thing. But still. It's almost a freaking year and it really is TIRING to be thinking about it that long. And know that it really doesn't matter to you but you have to finish it anyways because it's a crying shame. And I don't know how to metaphorically visualize it for you. It's like carrying a heavy weight and not really using the thing you're carrying. You're just carrying it because...someday you might use it. I don't know.

Okay, that is one hell of a long paragraph. And this caffeine rush is still pushing me on. So in the meantime, let me try working on all the things I *need* to do.

So long.