Master Guru

It has been a slightly hectic but definitely unproductive day. Now, how could that be? Last night, I didn't sleep because I was trying to finish a project which I should have started long ago. Ah, the wonders of cramming. A sign of old age would be not being able to cram it up anymore. And frankly, I don't want to anymore, and I'm afraid that I no longer can.

As of now, I'm still programming here in the office. I'm slightly out of it, I don't want to think, so how the fuck can I effectively program? All right, I know. Thou shalt not swear.

It's such a long road ahead. I don't know what I'm doing in this world. This is the chant of the slightly insane, those pretending to be entirely normal but they're really sliding down a deep, dark abyss. You know the feeling when you're drunk, and you know you can just let go and be really crazy, but you try to be sane any way? You don't? Well, good for you.

Strangely, I don't really feel entirely stressed or anxious or concerned, but I know that I've been remiss in all my duties this week. As in, I've become an expert on pushing back deadlines and ignoring that big red "Game Over" sign in front of my face. You reap what you sow, they say. Me, I just like to write.

You know what I realized this morning, in between the time I gave up working and the time I actually went back to the office? I spent practically three hours just eating, reading the paper, and lying around the house. Despite the deadline, I'm not really cramming. More than anything, I was strategizing how to avoid the project's customer. Ahh...The art of the weasel. The art of relaxation. Zen. Nothing. I think I'm becoming an expert at the art of doing nothing.