It started out with a scream of frustration, since the PLDT repair guy was again coming to our house and ruining my plans of going to work early. But the flip side of that is, my PLDT DSL connection finally got fixed. After much tinkering on his end, he finally thought of changing the cables and the section where I was getting my DSL connection, and now everything's all right again. :) I guess there was something faulty in how they connected my DSL connection, but hey, since it's working now, I'm not complaining.
I feel sick, like I'm coming down with something. And it's almost 5AM, and still I'm awake. How's that for insomnia?
Reminds me of my Saturday night at Tagaytay...we slept at a friend's house, and I couldn't sleep. For the life of me, I really wanted to sleep, just so I could get enough rest because I knew I had to do a lot of things Sunday, but no. 4AM. Still awake. 5AM. Still awake. The sun is up. Got up 6AM to look around and see Taal. Everyone's still asleep. Try to fall asleep 6:15. Dozed off for a while. Finally! Woke up at 6:45. Everyone's awake. $^%$$$##@!
My friend's Friendster testimonial almost made me cry. She said, she doesn't understand how many times I have to cry before I find true happiness. And that made me real sad. Have I even found my happiness? I'm not sure. Romance-wise, I sometimes think that I get stuck with "nowhere" men. Men who are okay, in the present, right here, right now. But will they commit to a future with me? Perhaps not. I'm not sure. Do I even want to commit to a future with them? Maybe. I'm with them ain't I? But....there's a "but" there somewhere. But the beauty of our relationship is, it works, somehow.
You know what, it's been an awfully long day. I was about to go home around 11PM, but I wasn't able to because my boss was using my computer to troubleshoot something. I just couldn't get the nerve to tell him, hey, I need to go home right now because I still want to catch the bus home. I didn't have a car, and I was too stingy to want to take the taxi home. Well anyway, it was well past 1AM when I left the office. And yes, I took the taxi. And the taxi driver was trying to scam me into paying him more, since it was raining today and all. But I felt good since I didn't let him push me into paying more. Especially since I told him that it was all the money I had that night.
I wish of course that sometimes, someone would take care of me. So I wouldn't have to go home late, alone. So I don't even have to work my ass off. wishful thinking dear...
Another reason I wasn't able to go home at once was, a friend called me to confide about her love problems. Couldn't bear the hurt of knowing that her boyfriend might be leaving her. Nothing final yet, just the "cool-off" conversation. Well, it's good to know that she thinks I'm wise enough to run to, but hey, I'm no cupid. And, I'm basically a cynical person, plus, I'm not entirely conventional, ergo I'm not the best person to turn to since my views might result in even more estrangement and failed romances. Look at me! haha. But I guess that was what she wanted, a perspective different from her own. Maybe. I love my friend, and of course I'll support her, but it does feel weird to tell this friend particularly, that there is love after heartbreak. Because I want her to believe in the myth of forever, in the myth of the first love, in the myth of the forever love. No one should experience that disappointment in love.
I took this quiz at http://www.okcupid.com/oktest, and though other people say the quiz accurately described them, I don't entirely agree. I protest! Haha....or perhaps I just don't really know myself enough. I can't see myself accurately? Here is how it rated me, tell me what you think:
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf)
Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.
Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.
You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.
The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.
"You're never truly single as long as you have yourself."
I don't know about the "selective" and "lack of bonafide experience" part, but that last quote, that is so true for me. And that is so something that I am so sad to admit to. Because that single quote captures all the cynicism I have. In the end, we are alone.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment